To Sudan Infonet Subscribers, I am having SI distribute the following open letter from Marc Nikkel. Many people around the world know Marc or have known of him and his work on behalf of the Sudanese people through the years. In September I was able to stop in London and visit with him as he continues his battle with cancer. Everywhere I go, I am asked about him. Now, it is good to let Marc share in his own words what he is facing and share his feelings. It is a very personal letter, written to his friends and colleagues among the Dinka, especially within the Episcopal Church of Sudan where he has served for many years. I have asked Marc and received his permission to share this letter broadly through Sudan Infonet. May all people of faith hold him in prayer. Sincerely, Bill Lowrey, Sudan Partnership Facilitator Presbyterian Church (USA) _____________________________________ FROM: Marc Nikkel, INTERNET:MNikkel@MAF.Org DATE: 9/26/98 12:07 PM Subject: To: E.C.S. Jieng Leaders & Friends, from MN Venn House, the 26th of September, 1998 THE FOLLOWING OPEN LETTER IS INTENDED FOR MY E.C.S FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES, IN NAIROBI, AND AS FAR AFIELD AS IT CAN BE CARRIED. PLEASE PRINT COPIES AND MAKE CERTAIN THEY ARE GIVEN TO THE FOLLOWING INDIVIDUALS, ASKING THAT THEY CIRCULATE IT AMONG THOSE WHO KNOW ME: Bishop Nathaniel Garang Bishop Reuben Macir Makoi Archdeacon Peter Bol Arok Archdeacon John Kelei (St. Andrew's, Kabare) Archdeacon Abraham Mayom Athiaan Rev. Akurdit Ngong Rev. John Machar Thon (Berea Theological, Nakuru) Rev. Nathaniel Bol Nyok Rev. Santino Rang (St. Andrew's, Kabare) Rev. Mark Atem (ECS, Zone 4, Kakuma Refugee Camp) Rev. Matthayo Garang Evangelist Bartholomayo Bol (Manor House Secondary, Kitale) Mary Alueel Garang Abraham Thioong (Jol Wo Liech, Kakuma Refugee Camp) Evangelist Joseph Aleo (ECS, Zone 4, Kakuma Refugee Camp) James Ajuot (Kabuyefwe Friends Secondary, Kitale) --------------------------------------------------------- The Church Mission Society, Partnership House 157 Waterloo Road, London SE1 8UU England "MY TIMES ARE IN HIS HANDS" My Dear Family in Christ, It is now just over one month since I left Nairobi. Though we are separated by many miles, know that you are in my thought every day. You are in my thoughts during the day and in my dreams at night. My heart is seldom far from you. How I give thanks to God for all that we have experienced together during the past five years, in Kenya and in at home in Sudan. I carry within myself all the memories of these years and I thank God for what he has given us in our labours, in success and failure, in joy and sorrow, in our continuing hope for the future. Most of all I give thanks for your individual lives, for the privilege we have had of growing as fellow workers, and the diverse and excellent gifts God has given each of you to build up his people. MY ILLNESS. As you will remember, I underwent an operation in Nairobi Hospital on the 18th of August. At that time Dr. Robin Magere found that the organs of my stomach were being surrounded by the disease called cancer. He said the disease had grown in many places, and he was unable to locate where it had originated. Once the wounds on my stomach were healed he, and the other doctors wanted me to seek the broadest cancer treatment that was possible, and they sent me to the Royal Marsden Hospital in London. Here I spent two difficult weeks in hospital. When, on the 4th of September, an operation was attempted to help my urine flow smoothly, it was not successful because there was too much cancer growth blocking the way. The doctors were very disappointed and the senior doctor in charge of my case said that I might not have more than two weeks to live. Nonetheless, three weeks have passed, and, by God's grace, my body continues to work fairly well. I now have to take five kinds of medicine each day. The most powerful medicine is held in a small plastic bag that is attached to a small pumping machine on my side. I must wear the machine 24 hours a day. It is pumping the "CHEMOTHERAPY" medicine directly into my body through a small plastic line. The tube enters my chest, goes through an artery, and ends inside my heart. The medical people do not say that this medicine can kill the cancer. They only say that it might make it stop growing, or make it grow more slowly, or cause it to wither and become smaller. They say it is probably not a "cure" for my cancer, but at least gives me a little more time to live, and live with less pain. Because CHEMOTHERAPY is like a poison, it can cause me to feel sick and weak. It causes sores on my hands and mouth, and sometimes makes my hands tremble. Difficulty with my urinary system have made my legs and ankles swell up, but I still try to exercise every day. Because of the effects of the chemotherapy I take other medicines at morning and night to keep the pain from becoming too strong. These medicines sometimes make me feel sleepy, or unclear, especially early in the morning, but after a while they wear off and I am able to write and do other work. I am not quite like "Thon Akon" or "Manguangdit" used to be. My life is slower now, and I must do everything one step at a time, thoughtfully and carefully. FRIENDS, VISITORS, AND THE THEOLOGY OF HEALING. Before God, in my spirit and my friendships, this has been a wonderful time of learning and growth. In the way that God blesses Sudan amidst great suffering, so I find he is blessing me in my sickness. When I was in Nairobi it was wonderful to have friends come to be with me in hospital. Here in United Kingdom I receive many cards, e-mails, and letters from around the world telling me that people are praying for me each day. This week I received letters from Sudanese communities Bishop Nathaniel and I visited in America. Others came from Archbishop George Carey, and many have come from Anglican bishops around the world, as well as other church leaders. Some have been able to visitg personally. I am not alone! Three times we have gathered with 20 or so people for Holy Communion around my bed. How good it has been sharing our history and our prayer, and always thinking of you, in Kenya and Sudan, being here with us as well. When Bishop Daniel Deng was travelling from America he came to England to see me but his UK immigration documents were no longer valid. Officials kept him at the airport for 5 hours until he persuaded them to give him a 48 hour visa to come to the hospital to be with me. We had a deep time of prayer. In America, when Bishop Daniel heard that Marc had a "bad cancer," he said, "What bad cancer!? If there is a bad cancer, then, by the power of God we will make it into a good cancer!!" Others who have come to visit include Rev. Joseph and Karin Ayok, Rosemary Ajja and El Haj with their children, John Amuor, and Rachel Adak. In addition, my sister, Marvis, and her husband, Sam, were able to come from America and stay with me for two weeks. During their stay three other friends from North America also came--Nancy Frank for one week, Bill Lowrey and William Reimer, for four days. Yesterday Bishop Benjamin Mangar took the long train and taxi ride to Venn House where I am now living. With him were Christian women of Bahr el Ghazal: Akoi Dau, Atong Baak, Kana Ameer Dhou, Naomi Akon, and Esther Benjamin. Because of their employment in London it is difficult for Sudanese to find the time to travel, so only John Amuor has been able to come from among our Bor people. Of course, many of the staff of CMS, London, visit regularly, including Canon Ken Okeke, Rev. Kevin Huggett, Diana Witts, and Lady Gill Brentford. Among those who come there are many who pray to God for complete and immediate healing from every trace of cancer. Remembering the story of Kezekiah in the O.T., they call on God for a miracle without any hesitation. If God is creator and sustainer, and life giver, he has power to cleanse cancer from Marc's body. I thank God for this great faith, and prayer, and the hope we share with you together. From what I have heard, prayers have sometimes been organised by the Sudanese community in Nairobi and Kakuma on my behalf. How thankful I am for this. I welcome you to pray for the medicines that I am taking, for the fullest possible power of chemotherapy, and for God's power to keep my urine passing smoothly from my body (this is one of the doctors' biggest concerns that could lead to my death). While we pray for healing, I am also concerned to be fully prepared should God call me to himself. So far as possible I want to be set right with all people. For this reason, my sisters and brothers, I ASK FORGIVENESS WHERE I HAVE FAILED YOU. IF THERE IS ANYONE AMONG YOU WHO FEELS ANY GRIEVANCE AGAINST ME, IF THERE IS ANYONE WHO HAS AN UNRESOLVED PROBLEM WITH ANYTHING I HAVE DONE OR SAID, PLEASE WRITE TO ME ABOUT IT. IF THERE IS ANY AREA THAT NEEDS HEALING, LET US CONFESS TO ONE ANOTHER, AND BE FULLY RECONCILED. I WOULD BE VERY THANKFUL TO HEAR FROM YOU. TRAVEL PLANS. As you see, I must take each day as it comes. It is not possible to make long range plans or hold any plan too tightly. Last week I was able to fly up to Scotland with my sister and brother-in-law to be with Robin and Marianne Anker-Petersen. Those were wonderful days with Christians from two of my Link Churches gathering on Saturday for Eucharist and prayer. However, my greatest hope now is to travel to California to see my father, Reuben C. Nikkel. He is old and quite weak, and his mind is no longer clear, but it is important that I am with him and other family members and friends who live near the place of my birth. At present I am planning to travel in the company of Dr. Robin Fisher who can help me if there are medical problems on the way. As it is now scheduled, we will leave on the 5th of October and return by the 22nd. When we return I would travel up to Scotland to stay with Robin and Marianne Anker-Petersen at their big home called "Blackruthven". They are like my second family, and have committed themselves to care for me if my sickness should increase. They have a very big home so that we can welcome other friends who might be able to come and stay with me. WRITING LETTERS TO ME. During these days I long to have news of your lives, and the life of our people, whether in Kenya or at home in Sudan. I also realise that postage is very expensive for sending individual letters. Thus the simplest and cheapest way to send letters to me is to leave them at the CMS office in Nairobi. They can then be brought to London with people who are travelling, and CMS, London, will send them on to me wherever I am staying. If there were a very urgent message you might be able to find someone in Nairobi who can help you send a message to me by e-mail. With the Anker-Petersens in Scotland my address will be: BLACKRUTHVEN HOUSE Tibbermore, Perth, PH1 1PY SCOTLAND WHAT I PRAY FOR YOU. As I write just now many of your faces come to mind. I miss you as individuals, and I miss the great places where we have met for celebration and worship. I miss Kakuma, and Panyagor, and Yomchiir, and Dhiaukuei, and Naruse, and Lebone, and Adoor, and the many other places we have lived and worked together. When I think of you in these many places I pray above all for UNITY. I pray that, by the Spirit of God, you might each one, in every branch of Christ's church, learn to work together with greater trust, harmony, and openness. Each one of you, men and women, young and old, need each other. Each has resources to give the other. I pray your rich gifts might be openly honoured and shared among yourselves for the benefit of all. I pray that the special gift of each person might be recognised and used to build up the entire Body of Christ among you. Secondly, I pray for STRONGER STRUCTURES OF ADMINISTRATION AND MANAGEMENT. In recent years the world has seen the miracle of Evangelism unprecedented in Sudan. With the powerful evangelistic leadership of Bishop Nathaniel Garang the ECS has proceeded amidst terrible destruction, becoming one of the most vital, creative Churches in the world. This was something that no one could have imagined. Now, in these present years, a new stage has begun. This is the time for greater organisation and consolidation, not only of spiritual gifts but tangible gifts as well. It is time to lay new structures of administration and leadership to harness the great resources God has given, first, within our own Sudanese people, and, secondly, from the many, many new friends we have developed around the world who want to provide assistance. During the last year I often said that, by October, 1998, I would no longer be involved in administration in the ECS. With my illness, this has now proved to be more true than I could have expected. As I have decreased I praise God for the way you, God's Sudanese leaders, are inceasing. Now I pray for you from afar, supporting you in the power of the Spirit. As well, I commend David Tower to you, whose gifts, insights, and sensitivities, are, I believe, bring very special support to Christ's Church. I pray that his special background and skills will be put to good use in supporting and facilitating (not directing, not leading) the work that the Spirit of Christ chooses to do through you, the sons and daughters of Sudan. This letter has become longer than I originally expected. Perhaps it shows how much I think of you, and miss you, and long for news of you. You must know that, throughout these past six weeks, I have found that God is very near me. Whether I am sick or strong, whether I am in pain or free from pain, God is at the centre of my experience. He is closer than my own breath, closer than the beat of my heart. However, if there are times when I weep at night on my bed, I weep not because God is distant, but because I miss you. This is the greatest pain I have felt since I left Africa. I think of you at night and I long for your words, your prayers, your songs, your touch, and your physical presence. It is my Sudanese family whom I miss most of all. The thought of not being able to see you again, this is the greatest sorrow I feel. I thank God I have some of your crosses with me here. They speak of your faith and survival. They remind me of the meeting place between earth and heaven, between death and resurrection, between our endings and our beginnings. I also have the beautiful 'thum' of Abraham Akec that reminds me of music in the midst of war. These things remind me of you. But most of all I long to see your faces again. Love, Marc